Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ray of Sunshine

I've been low the past few days. The beautiful, sunny 25 degree weather has left town, leaving 6 degree rainy (sometimes snowy) weather in its stead. Suffice it to see, I've been feeling like the weather. I'm missing daily outings on foot with Ember and our little condo is feeling quite cramped right now.

My mood is picking up however, much in part to the gift from my little chubby cheeked strawberry. After a brief power nap earlier today, I hoisted Ember up to standing on my lap for a little chat. She likes to talk about her dreams. Instead of babbling about her adventures in la-la-land this morning, she put her hands on either side of my face, leaned in with an open mouth and rested it on my cheek for 5 seconds. She then pulled back and came in for another.

How my heart swelled! A kiss!!! A wet, and thoughtful little kiss!!!

She stood on my lap after this little act of love and smiled at me. I beamed back at her and gave her a squeeze as my eyes welled up with tears. It's nice having my personal ray of sunshine.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


And the living is easy.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Learning to Self Soothe

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how Ember is a pretty pathetic napper. I admitted then my guilt in the issue and still recognize it.

While in Ontario, napping went really well. Whining is always the tell-tale sign that Ember is ready for some shut-eye, and whenever a 'waa' rolled out, upstairs Ember and I went where she nursed to sleep. She often napped alone for an hour and a half at a time; something perfectly unheard of when not in a moving vehicle or snuggled close on a lap.

Now that we're home, we're back to the struggle. I'm working hard to instill some good sleeping habits but Ember is resisting my attempts. In an effort to hold my ground, I have reached the 'let her cry it out' strategy. When Ember was younger, I was strongly against this method since her needs were so basic. Now, however, I feel like if she doesn't develop good sleeping habits, I may snap. We're on a slippery slope. At five months old, something has to change or I fear this may the norm when she's two or worse, ten.

As I type this, Ember is working the crocodile cry in her bed. You know the one - no tears, lots of pitchy wails that are saying, "you don't love meeeee" - or at least that's how I hear it.

Rationally, I know she is fine, she knows she is loved and is in a safe place. She will learn to comfort herself and hopefully grab some shut eye, or at the very least have some quiet time.

Irrationally, I'm torturing her. She will grow up to be insecure and have abandonment issues. (FYI: I tend to live in this head space more than I'd like to admit).

Who's really learning to self soothe here? Hmm, she's still crying. It's been seven minutes. I'm calling Andrew - I need someone to give me strength and soothe my nerves.

(I'm so) Happy Friday!

Emmm-ber, where are you??

Here I am!

Watching the leaves outside Grana's house.

Hmmm, what's over there?

Happy to be home.

Sitting up all by herself, and proud of it!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Finding Balance Pt. 2

While I'm struggling to find the balance of being a wife and mother, Ember is learning a more literal sense of balance. During our stay in Ontario, Ember was mastering the art of sitting up for lengths of time on her own.

Here is a short snippet of the perils in achieving balance.

Don't panic!! She was perfectly fine, not a single tear was shed.

Finding Balance

I've always been determined to continue being a wife in the face of mummyhood. Far too often I feel, women let the role of wife fall by the wayside while they focus on being a mum. I swore I wouldn't be that woman. What I wasn't aware of, of how tricky navigating the roles can be in achieving the balance.

When Andrew and I do find ourselves without the company of Ember, I have a heck of a time shutting the Mum switch off. If Ember's down for the night, I feel I should take advantage of the time to fold laundry, stuff diapers or tidy the kitchen. There are nights, where I'm worn out, feel frumpy and can't ignore the fuzz on my teeth to feel the slightest bit like a lady.

Thankfully Andrew and I have a fantastic line of communication and he understands where I'm coming from. I'm still head over heels in love with my man and I'm proud to be his wife. It's not a role I'm willing to slough off. But there are days when the dried spit up on my back wins.

Mother's Day, the First

I was in Ontario for Mother's Day, with my mum which I haven't had the joy of for many years. Unfortunately the day got lost in the shuffle; Ember was such a focus of my mum's attention that Mother's day didn't get its due attention. We spent the day shopping, sipping lattes and talking and I made an all veggie dinner in honour of my mum, my best friend.

Obviously I wasn't with Andrew for the day and I was instructed to ignore the day as he wanted to treat me once I returned home. Without really meaning to, I respected his request. My new job title is still surreal to me. I spent nine (ten) months of pregnancy preparing myself for motherhood although since Ember made her arrival, I haven't had the chance to let it all sink in. It's as if I'm so busy being a mum, I haven't had the opportunity to appreciate my role. Everyday is Ember Appreciation Day. I love being her mummy. I love my job. I love that girl who gave me the title, Mum. So much, achingly so.

As if I needed more reason to love her, Ember had a three hour nap that Sunday afternoon. What a wonderful gift! For maybe the first time since she was born, I got to sip on a vanilla latte, read magazines and enjoy silence.

A belated Happy Mother's Day to all mummy's everywhere. Good job, ladies.

Back from Grana's house!

Ember and I were Ontario last week visiting my mum, aka Grana. Much to our chagrin, Andrew didn't make the trip with us as he had to work. Darn responsibilities. I was a little anxious travelling with Ember solo on an almost four hour flight but our girl did beautifully. She slept the bulk of both flights, tolerated turbulence like a seasoned flyer and yawned at just the right moments during descent to aide the ear popping.

We didn't do much in the way of sightseeing around Toronto. Instead we stuck close to my mum's house which allowed for lots of Ember and Grana bonding.

Monday, May 3, 2010

A Hand-full.

Yesterday marked Ember's 5 month birthday. Five fingers worth of birthdays; a real handful.

It's just a matter of time before she crawls; she can now hold herself up on her hands and knees.

"Emmm-ber, where are you?" Peek-a-boo is her favourite game right now, clever girl. No matter the hiding spot, she tracks you do by following your voice and hits you with a huge smile.


- her thumb

- rolling across the room

- petting Hugo the cat - how she giggles when she feels his fur!

- the wind through her hair


-sitting still

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Splishing and a Splashing

Ember had her third swimming lesson today. She loves the water!

Kick, kick, kick, kick!

Splashing away!

This is the one moment looked comfy in her dolphin boat.
Typically, she just appears to be tolerating it.