Worth Reading

A Facebook friend posted this link today. It is an incredibly valuable entry about our role as mothers, and a reminder to not judge or compare our children but to simply love and respect them.

So, please, take the time to read this powerful post.

"My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person."

Lesson #2 - Opinions

I used to be opinionated. I used to judge people's choices. I had opinions on how children should be raised and treated; everything was so black and white. It was so easy back then, when it was obvious that my child was going to be well behaved and cooperative from day one, at all times of day. HA! That being said, I never dared to share my advice with a parent. I kept it to myself.

My first tidbit of parenting advice came in a grocery store check out line from a woman old enough to be Ember's great- great- grandmother. It was just a few days before Christmas, Ember was just two weeks old and I had just finished picking up all the groceries needed for our Christmas feast. The place was packed to the seams and I was tired.

We're about 3 people back in the line to checkout and my girl loses it. She is just wailing away. "I'mmmm hunnnngrrrry!!!", her cry is screaming at me. I'm swinging her around in her carseat trying to calm her, when the old gal in front of me, turns around and says, "Sometimes they just like to be held you know." Cue immediate hate and rage! I explain that Ember is hungry and I can't help her that instant since I'm nursing. Oh well, this lady persists, "Holding her may help."

Well, thanks tips! Look around, maybe if I weren't in a grocery store checkout about to purchase enough food for ye olde Christmas dinner, I would hold me child. Maybe if she weren't two weeks old, and she could hold her own head up allowing me to unload my grocery cart, I would hold her. Maybe if I knew holding her would fix it and settle her for the next hour, I would bounce her on my hip. But here's the thing, nothing is going to quiet her down until there is a boob in her mouth, so I'm not going to tease her but pulling her out of the carseat, and then toture her by putting her back in it without a meal. Of course, I say none of the above. Instead, I just simply say, "Yup, sometimes they do. Merry Christmas." And mutter a few choice words under my breath.

The second incident that made me want to launch a dirty diaper at a human being, was during a Robbie Burns dinner when Ember was 8 weeks old. Ember was the only child there, let alone infant, and many, many women were cooing in her face. She was really well behaved but each night, my girl has a 'witching hour' where she is easily annoyed. During that time, she likes to cuddle and to lay low, patience really isn't in abundance. To make it more bearable that evening, after our dinner and before dancing, I took Ember to the bathroom to change her our of her dress, and into a clean diaper and a sleeper. She is perfectly happy until her back hits that cold change table, at which point, chicky melts down. I'm working as fast as I can while Ember just belts out a sob song. Most women in the loo were understanding but there was one bag, who as she was leaving felt it necessary to say to her friend, "Why didn't she just pick the baby up?"

Argh!! Really?!?? It was cold in the bathroom and my daughter's rear end is hanging out. The way to fix the problem is to dress her. A feat which is a wee bit trickier with a squirmy, little body. Come on!!!

Nothing opens you up to unsolicited advice like parenthood. And, ladies, we are the best at dispensing at it. We're also very good at judging. Maybe it's time we cut each other a little slack and give one another the benefit of a doubt. After all, a parent probably knows their child better than you do. That's coming from me and I used to be opinionated.

Lesson #1 - Grandstanding.

It was decided while I was pregnant that we would use cloth diapers. I was determined and steadfast in the decision despite the mixed reactions I received from family members and friends. The more I read about cloth diapering, the more I learned about the harm disposables do to babies, the planet and your pocketbook. And I wasn't afraid to share my findings with people. I was quite content up on my soapbox spouting off, the "Did you knows?" of cloth diapering. Don't worry, I will spare you the rant.

I conducted oodles of research, pouring over cloth diapering websites educating myself on our options and reading reviews. I consulted with Andrew and we concluded that Gro Baby was for us. So in my third trimester, I purchased the Gro Baby package that would (hopefully) cover us from infant through potty-training. [Let me declare that we knew Ember would be in disposables for the first two weeks (give or take), while we were waiting for that umbilical cord stump to fall off.]

Ember's belly button made its appearance earlier than we anticipated, when she was 6 days old. After cooing over how cute her little inny was, Andrew and I high-fived that we were done with disposables. So excited we were to strap her in to those cloth bottoms for the first time. Well, "pop!", went our bubble. That little diaper was still swimming on our gal even though she was back up to her birth weight of 7 pounds, 4 ounces. It went up over her ribs, cutting her in half, and really making it impossible to wear. Sheepishly, we rocked-papered-scissored on who was doing the run for another bag of diapers. Guilt ridden, Ember was fastened into another disposable.

Weeks went by. More bags of soiled disposable diapers left our condo than I really care to admit or remember. Frequently we tried a Gro Baby* on Ember only to realize that it was just too big still. When she was 7 weeks old, consumed with the guilt of wasted money (all those diapers sitting in a drawer), and the guilt of used diapers stacking up in a landfill, I contacted a local business for help. Melissa of One Posh Baby came to my home for a free diaper consultation. This allowed me to try tester diapers on Ember to see which were the best fit for her. Needless to say, we ended up spending more money on cloth diapers to get away from the disposables. We bought some smaller fitting diapers for the interim until our baby grows into those Gro Babies.

I talked such a big game while pregnant about the benefit we were going to do the planet only to produce more waste than we ever intended. Furthermore, we've spent more money than we ever planned. We take comfort in that we want more than one child so these diapers will be utilized. I've also learned that diapers are a serious addiction; I want to try them all. But more on that later....

* I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with the Gro Baby product. I am very impressed with the quality and know that one day it will be great on my daughter.